Coen van Wyk
Important Note
Any reference herein to ”God” is intended to be exclusively to the God that man had created in his (man’s) image. The “God” in the text therefore refers entirely to the figment of the imagination of primitive man of more than 2 000 years ago. Nothing contained herein is therefore intended to be blasphemous, or is indeed blasphemous of the true Deity or Theity.
Since I will in this discussion refer to several versions of the Bible, it is appropriate that I give a brief overview of the topic since I have become acutely aware, over the years, that very few Christians (even committed ones) are aware of the existence of the various Bibles, stemming from various and completely diverse origins.
There has never, in the history of the world, and in the solar system, been a unique thing called, “The Bible”, in the same way as there has been, from time immemorial, and in the solar system a unique thing called, “The Sun”. Despite the fact that the Sun has, during the entire history of the world, always been there, during that same time “The Bible” (that is, a unique Bible – “unique” as in “only one of its kind”) never existed. But whereas we always only had one sun we never had only one Bible. So, we always had one sun inter alia for the Jews; the same sun for the Protestant Christians, the same sun for the Catholic Christians, the same sun for the Orthodox Christians, etc, but we never had one Bible for the Jews, and the same Bible for the various Christians denominations. And in many instances the Bible of one generation of a certain Christian faction, is not the Bible of the next generations of the same Christian faction. To put it another way, in many instances the same Bible was not shared by successive generations of a particular Christian faction.
But there is not even one unique Bible for any particular religious faction. So, for example, the Protestant Christians have a plethora of Bibles that they can choose from.
Very broadly speaking, there are the following differences between Bibles:
The Jewish Bible obviously does not contain the books of the New Testament.
The Christian Bibles are classified into three main groups associated with Orthodox, Catholic, and Protestant Christianity.
The Old Testament of the Orthodox, Catholic and Protestant churches contains respectively 49, 46, and 39 books.
The Orthodox Bible contains the following three books that are not in the Catholic or Protestant Bible:
I Esdras
Maccabees III
Prayer of Manasseh
The Catholic Bible contains the following seven books that are not in the Protestant Bible:
Tobit
Judith
Maccabees I
Maccabees II
Wisdom
Sirach, Baruch
Daniel 13.
The protestant Bible also refers to the following twenty-two books that are nowhere to be found in that Bible:
Book of the Covenant, Book of the Wars of the Lord, Book of Jasher, The Manner of the Kingdom / Book of Statutes, Book of Samuel the Seer, Nathan the Prophet, Acts of Solomon, Shemaiah the Prophet, Prophecy of Abijah, Story of Prophet Iddo, Visions of Iddo the Seer, Iddo Genealogies, Book of Jehu, Sayings of the Seers, Book of Enoch, Book of Gad the Seer, Epistle to Corinth, Epistle to the Ephesians, Epistle from Laodicea to the Colossians, Nazarene Prophecy Source, Acts of Uziah, The Annals of King David, Jude, the Missing Epistle.
The Dead Sea Scrolls are biblical scriptures that were discovered in 1947 at Qumran in the Judean desert. The scrolls contain the following books that are not to be found in any extant Bible
Book of Jubilees
A commentary on Genesis and Exodus
The War Scroll
A book about the final battle between good and evil
Bible, as a genre or a book?
Unless otherwise stated, the quotations herein are from the Good News Bible, the Old Testament of which is based on the Masoretic Text.
Now there is no such thing as hell in Judaism. The duality of Good and Evil does not form part of that belief system. God is Good and Evil, all wrapped into one unique entity - so He says! That is clear from the following words contained ascibed to God in the Word of God:
“I make peace and create evil: I the Lord do all these things.”
“… shall there be evil in a city, and the Lord hath not done it?”
In the New Testament the Bible authors replaced God’s evil function with a new villain, Satan. And Christ and his followers also created new premises from which Satan would operate, an abode filled with lots and lots of fire.
And the message of the Fire Mongers (the Christians) became the following: You believe in what we tell you to believe, or you would forever burn in Hell! So, the scary boogieman of Christianity, Satan, was moved from heaven (with its beautiful view) into his scary, hot-as-hell premises, called Hell. No! There’s no misprint or slip of the pen here. Satan was indeed a heavenly being before the Christians demoted him to hell to serve as their powerful marketing tool for selling their product, fire insurance in the form of Christianity. But the whole “Satan is a fallen angel” pitch is utter nonsense. According to the Bible Satan and God had a good working relationship. Just read about the horror that God asked Satan to inflict on the good man, Job. And God asked Satan to do all of that so that God could prove a petty point.
But the spin-doctors of this new religion, Christianity, had a problem in that Satan, the boogieman with which they wished to scare people into becoming Christians, was still firmly entrenched in heaven, where he has been for time immemorial (according to the Old Testament). So they had to get him out of there. And they achieved that by putting the following words in Jesus’ mouth:
“I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven.” (Luke 10:18)
But what is profoundly telling is what the editorial gurus of the King James Version of the Bible have to say about Satan. At the end of the King James Version there is a section titled, “A SHORT DICTIONARY OF LIFE AND PEOPLES OF BIBLE TIMES”. It contains the following entry for the much vilified creature called, Satan:
‘Satan in the Old Testament the word means an accuser in the court (Psalm 109:6) or an adversary, political, military or otherwise. In Job, Satan was authorised by God to test the sincerity, the genuineness, of a person’s virtue and piety. (See also Ze 3:1-3). In the New Testament “Satan” and “the evil” are synonyms.’
So there you have it! The eminent and esteemed editorial powers of the King James Version of the Bible, with their vast knowledge of the Bible, actually has nothing worse to say about Satan than that he is “an accuser in the court” (not unlike a public prosecutor in a criminal trial), “and adversary” and that he “was authorised by God to test the sincerity, the genuineness, of a person’s virtue and piety”.
I have extracted from the indexes of various Bibles versions, the references to Satan in the Old Testament. In the table that follows here below, I have summarised the few references to Satan in the Old Testament of the Bible versions. The reason why I have chosen the particular Bible versions is that they are the only Bibles in my possession that each contains an index of its contents.
Table A
References to Satan in Old Testament of various Bible versions
Good News Bible: Job, 1 Chronicles, Zechariah
English Standard Version: Job, 1 Chronicles, Zechariah
Afrikaans Bible: Job, 1 Chronicles, Zechariah
King James Version: Job, 1 Chronicles, Zechariah, Psalms
It is interesting to note that the King James Version of the Bible is the only one of the several Bible version mentioned in Table A that contains a reference to Satan in Psalm 109:6.
I will now show, in the discussion that follows, the ludicrous disjointedness and profound gibberish of the evidence contained in the Bible concerning Satan, the figment of primitive man’s imagination, that has had such a profound effect on the behaviour of people, and in the past even, inter alia, caused a number of people who suffered epileptic fits, to be severely and brutally dealt with because they were deemed to be possessed by the fictional creature called, Satan.
From the discussion that follows it will appear with abundant clarity that, not only is there no hint of any evil on the part of Satan in the references mentioned in Table A, but also that the alleged conduct ascribed to God in Job is blasphemous in the extreme. Furthermore, the fable about Satan, as narrated in Zechariah, not only does not contain anything that discredits Satan, but the story is also amateurishly fanciful.
But the relevant contents of 1 Chronicles really take the cake because it causes God to be portrayed as a Supreme Being that is unable to tell the difference between Himself and Satan. The discussion of the reference in 1 Chronicles is therefore done under the following heading:
Who was to blame for the senseless slaughter of 70 000 people - God or Satan? As is clear from the Bible, even God does not know!
Job
In the book of Job, God’s senseless cruel and callous abuse of the hapless Job is described in upsetting detail. Job is said to be a good man that God causes to suffer total disaster, and in the words contained in the summary of the Good News Bible “he loses all his children and property and is afflicted with a repulsive disease.”
And all of that was done because God boasted to Satan about Job that “there is no one on earth as faithful and as good as he is. He worships me and he is careful not to do anything evil” and Satan inter alia replied, “Would Job worship you if he got nothing out of it?” Soon thereafter all hell broke loose when God in due course said to Satan, “All right … everything he has is in your power, but you must not hurt Job himself” (Job 1:12)
The following quotation shows how all the horror to which Job was subjected, came about:
“When the day came for the heavenly beings to appear before the Lord, Satan was there among them.
“The Lord asked him, “What have you been doing?” Satan answered I have been walking here and there, roaming round the earth.
“Did you notice my servant Job?” The Lord asked, there is no one on earth as faithful and as good as he is. He worships me and he is careful not to do anything evil.”(Job 1:6-8)
Soon thereafter Job lost everything, including his children. But despite his hardships he subsequently uttered the following poignant words:
“I will die with nothing. The Lord gave, and now he has taken away. May his name be praised!” (Job 1:21-22)
But, as will soon be evident from this discussion, it appears that, for God, Job’s privation of losing his children and all his earthly belongings, was not enough, because the fable continues as follows:
“When the day came for the heavenly beings to appear before the Lord again, Satan was there among them.
“The Lord asked him, “What have you been doing?” Satan answered I have been walking here and there, roaming round the earth.
“Did you notice my servant Job?” The Lord asked, there is no one on earth as faithful and good as he is. He worships me and he is careful not to do anything evil.” (Job 1:6-8)
But it appears that what really thereafter got God going, was Satan’s response to God’s accolades concerning Job’s good qualities. What really sealed Job’s fate was when Satan responded as follows to what God had said:
“A man will give up everything in order to stay alive.
‘“But now suppose you hurt his body-he will curse you to your face!”’ (Job 2:4-5)
That really roused God and he responded as follows:
“All right he is in your power, but you are not to kill him.” (Job 2:6)
The following table compares the particulars of the two meetings between God and Satan, during which Job’s fate was sealed.
TABLE B
Particulars of the two meetings between God and Satan.
God and Satan’s first meeting regarding the abuse of Job
Job 1:6-8
God and Satan’s second meeting regarding the abuse of Job
Job 2:1-3
When the day came for the heavenly beings to appear before the Lord,
Satan was there among them.
The Lord asked him,
“What have you been doing?”
Satan answered, “ I have been walking here and there, roaming round the earth.
“Did you notice my servant Job?” The Lord asked. There is no one on earth as faithful and as good as he is. He worships me and he is careful not to do anything evil.”
When the day came for the heavenly beings to appear before the Lord
again,
Satan was there among them.
The Lord asked him,
“Where have you been?”
Satan answered I have been walking here and there, roaming round the earth.
“Did you notice my servant Job?” The Lord asked. There is no one on earth as faithful and good as he is. He worships me and he is careful not to do anything evil.”
As is clear from the table, the only difference between the words describing the first and second meeting of God and Satan, are the underlined words, “again”, “What”, “doing” and “Where”.
Now it is rather uncanny that practically the exact same words that were spoken during the first meeting between God and Satan, would be spoken during the next meeting. One would have expected God to say something like the following to Satan during the second meeting:
‘So Satan, did you see how faithful Job remained during his tribulations? Do you know that he actually said the following about me, even after he had lost everything, including his beloved children: “May his name be praised” Now isn’t that something?’
But then one must bear in mind that the unknown and unidentified author of Job was a primitive that thought out this fable more than 2 000 years ago.
Now, apart from the fact that the fable is a particularly lame and amateurish attempt at storytelling, there is also the following crisp question: Who is the bad guy in the story? It most certainly is not Satan! As a heavenly creature he was just carrying out the orders of the person in charge of heaven, God.
What is, however, of profound importance in this fable is the manner in which God is portrayed in this narrative as inter alia, a narcissistic, callous, psychotic, supreme being who needlessly inflicted upon a good and innocent man, horrible and cruel hardships for the sole purpose of proving to his underling (Satan) that He is the subject of Jobs profound love and loyalty. That depiction of the deity is blasphemous in the extreme. I, for one, find it deeply offensive.
But before moving on to the next lame fable in this investigation concerning Satan, I pose the following question: Who exactly is it that heard the conversations between God and Satan, and lived to tell the tale?
Zechariah
As is the case with many other books of the Bible (especially those of the prophets), the unknown author of the book, Zechariah, obviously also had no inkling about the concepts, “first person”, “second person” and “third person”. He (or she) therefore repeatedly switched in the narrative between the first and second person. For example, the narrative starts off in the second person and switches to the first person in the seventh verse of the book. But thereafter and in chapter 8, the storyline is suddenly, and inexplicably, changed back to second person format.
However, in chapter 3 the unknown and unidentified primitive author, whilst writing in the first person, tells about a vision that God “showed” him, and in the vision Satan is present (Zechariah 3:1). Now it is obviously possible that the author experienced the vision that he described, but that there is a secular explanation for that (that I offer whilst tucking my tongue in my cheek). He could have been chewing some sort of mushroom or other plant found in the desert that contained a hallucinatory chemical similar to LSD. But then again, he could have had mild delirium tremens following overindulgence.
Whatever the reason for the alleged vision, at this juncture we only have the account (created more than 2 000 years ago), rendered by an unknown and unidentified author, of an incident that allegedly occurred, and on which occasion an angel accosted Satan, who was “ready to bring an accusation”.
What follows are the particulars of the happening.
‘In another vision the Lord showed me the High Priest Joshua standing before the angel of the Lord. And there beside Joshua stood Satan ready to bring an accusation against him. The angel of the Lord said to Satan, “May the Lord condemn you Satan!”’ (Zechariah 3:1-2)
Now there is nothing evil or sinister about Satan’s alleged conduct. But what is quite interesting is the fact that other versions of the Bible all have different renditions concerning the altercation with Satan. To give an example, the English Standard Version contains the following words:
“And the Lord said to Satan,”The Lord rebuke (sic) you, O Satan!” (Zechariah 3:1-2)
What is also particularly disconcerting is the fact that the group of translators that produced the Good News Bible, found the words;
The angel of the Lord said to Satan, “May the Lord condemn you Satan!”’ in Zechariah 3:2; but
another group of translators, whilst producing the English Standard Version, found the words;
“And the Lord said to Satan,”The Lord rebuke (sic) you, O Satan!” (Zechariah 3:2)
And all of that constitutes the inerrant Bible, the Word of God, no less!
But even more bewildering is the fact that the English Standard Version reports God as addressing the following words to Satan:
‘And the Lord said to Satan,” “The Lord rebuke (sic) you, O Satan!”’
Why would God say to Satan: “The Lord rebuke (sic) you, O Satan!”’ instead of “I rebuke you, O Satan!”?
Psalm 109:6
Now, as previously mentioned, the index in the King James Version of the Bible contains a reference to Satan in Psalm 109:6. And yet, as appears from Table C, there is no reference in the English Standard Version, Good News Bible, New Living Translation, New International Version, and The New English Bible, to Satan. Therefore, the crisp question is: how is it possible for a team of translators of the King James Version to see the word, “Satan”, in the original text, when it is not there, and the team of translators of the English Standard Version, Good News Bible, New Living Translation, New International Version, and The New English Bible, not to see the word, if it is indeed in the original text?
TABLE C
Wording of Psalm 109:6 in several Bible version.
Bible version
Text
King James Version
Set thou a wicked man over him; and let Satan stand at his right hand.
English Standard Version
Appoint a wicked man against him; let an accuser stand at his right hand.
Good News Bible
Choose some corrupt judge to try my enemy, and let one of his own enemies accuse him.
New Living Translation
They say: Get an evil person to turn against him. Send an accuser to bring him to trial.
New International Version
Appoint an evil man to oppose him; let his accuser stand at his right hand.
The New English Bible
They say, ‘Put up some rascal to denounce him, an accuser to stand at his right side.’
Furthermore, not only is the King James Version of the Bible the only version of those that have been mentioned in this discussion, that refers to Satan in Psalm 109:6; but there is in any event nothing sinister or evil about what is said about Satan, being, “let Satan stand at his right hand”.
What is extremely telling, and reflects fatally on the integrity and truthfulness of the various Bible versions, is the profound degree of variance between the renditions of Psalm 109:6 in the various Bible versions. In that regard only two versions contain the words, “wicked man”, one refers to a “corrupt judge”, one to “enemy”, one to “evil person”, one to “trial”, one to “evil man”, one to “rascal”, and only one contains the word, “denounce”. As concerns the meaning of the various renditions of the verse, none of them actually rise above the level of absolute gibberish. It actually boggles the mind that the vast number of learned intellectuals that busy themselves with creating the various Bible versions lack the integrity and fortitude to take a stance pursuant to the overwhelming evidence contained in the Bibles themselves, that the Bibles lack any truth or credibility.
1 Chronicle:
Who was to blame for the senseless slaughter of 70 000 people - God or Satan? As is clear from the Bible, even God does not know!
Let me state quite clearly, at the outset, that the question, “Who was to blame for the senseless slaughter of 70 000 Israelites - God or Satan?” does not pertain to the issue of who killed the thousands of people, because it is clearly stated in the Bible, in two independent narratives in the same Bible version, that God is the killer. The question is posed regarding who caused God to commit the senseless and unprovoked murders of innocent people, who had already endured countless hardships at the hand of their God.
It all started when David gave the following order to Joab, the commander of the army:
“Go with your officers through all the tribes of Israel from one end of the country to the other and count the people. I want know how many there are.”
Now the reader may be puzzled by the fact that I have not given the Bible reference for the words that I have just quoted, but in due course the reason for that would become clear.
There are two reports in the Bible about the carnage that followed after David gave his order to Joab. At this juncture I will refer to the reports respectively as the S-Version and the C-Version of the census fable and the various components of the two reports are systematically compared in Table D here below.
TABLE D
CONFLICTING FACTS EXPOSED IN THE SAME BIBLE CONCERNING GOD’S SENSELESS SLAUGHTER OF 70 000 INNOCENT PEOPLE
S-Version of the census fable
C-Version of the census fable.
1
So David gave orders to Joab, the commander of his army:
“Go with your officers through all the tribes of Israel from one end of the country to the other, and count the people. I want to know how many there are.”
David gave orders to Joab and the other officers,
“Go through Israel, from one of the country to the other, and count the people. I want know how many there are.”
2
But Joab answered the king, “Your Majesty, may the LORD your God make the people of Israel a hundred times more numerous than they are now, and may you live to see them him do it. But why does Your Majesty want to do this?”
Joab answered,
“May the LORD make the people of Israel a hundred times more numerous than they are now! Your Majesty, they are all your servants. Why do you want to do this and make the whole nation guilty?”
3
But the king made Joab and his officers obey his order;
But the king made Joab obey the order.
4
they left his presence and went out to count the people of Israel. They crossed the Jordan and camped south of Aroer, the city in the middle of the valley, in the territory of Gad. From there they went north to Jazar, and on to Gilead and to Kadesh, in Hittite territory. Then they went to Dan, and from Dan they went west to Sidon. Then they went south to the fortified city of Tyre, on to all the cities of the Hivites and the Canaanites, and finally to Beersheba, in the southern part of Juda. So after nine months and twenty days they returned to Jerusalem, having travelled through the whole country.
Joab went out, travelled through the
whole country of Israel, and then returned to Jerusalem.
5
They reported to the king the total number of men capable of military service: 800,000 in Israel and 500,000 in Judah.
He reported to king David the total number of men capable of military service: 1,100,000 in Israel, and 470,000 in Judah.
6
Because Joab disapproved of the king’s command, he did not take any census of the tribes of Levi and Benjamin.
7
God was displeased with what had been done, so he punished Israel.
8
But after David had taken the census, his conscience began to trouble him, and he said to the LORD, “I have committed a terrible sin in doing this! Please forgive me. I have acted foolishly.”
David said to God, “I have committed a terrible sin in doing this! Please forgive me. I have acted foolishly.”
9
The LORD said to Gad, David’s prophet, “Go and tell David that I am giving him three choices. I will do whatever he chooses.”
Then the LORD said to Gad, David’s prophet, “Go and tell David that I am giving him three choices. I will do whatever he chooses.”
10
The next morning, after David got up, Gad went to him, told him what the LORD had said, and asked, “Which is it to be? Three years famine in your land or three months of running away from your enemies or three days of an epidemic in your land? Now think it over, and tell me what answer to take back to the LORD?”
Gad went to David, told him what the LORD had said, and asked, “Which is it to be? Three years of famine? Or three months of running away from the armies of your enemies? Or three days during which the LORD attacks you with his sword and sends an epidemic on your land, using his angel to bring death throughout Israel? What answer shall I give the LORD?”
11
David answered, “I am in a desperate situation! But I don’t want to be punished by men. Let the LORD himself be the one to punish us, for he is merciful.”
David replied to Gad, “I am in a desperate situation! But I don’t want to be punished by men. Let the LORD himself be the one to punishes me, because he is merciful.”
12
So the LORD sent an epidemic on Israel, which lasted from that morning until the time that he had chosen. From one end of the country to the other seventy thousand Israelites died.
So the LORD sent an epidemic on the people of Israel, and seventy thousand of them died.
13
When the LORD’s angel was about to destroyJerusalem, the LORD changed his mind about punishing the people and said to the angel who was killing them, “Stop! That’s enough!” The angel was by the threshing-place of Araunah, a Jebusite,
Then he sent an angel to destroy Jerusalem, but he changed his mind and said to the angel, “Stop! That’s enough!” The angel was standing by the threshing-place of Araunah, a Jebusite.
14
David saw the angel that was killing the people
David saw the angel standing in mid air, holding his sword in his hand, ready to destroy Jerusalem. Then David and the leaders of the people-all of whom were wearing sackcloth-bowed low, with their faces touching the ground.
15
and said to the LORD, “I am the guilty one. I am the one who did wrong. What have these poor people done? You should punish me and my family.”
David prayed, “O God, I am the one who did wrong. I am the one who ordered the census. What have these poor people done? LORD, my God, punish me and my family, and spare your people.”
16
That same Gad went to David and said to him, “Go up to Aruanah’s threshing-place and build an altar to the LORD.”
David obeyed the LORD’s command and went as Gad had told him.
The angel of the LORD told Gad to command David to go and build an altar to the LORD at Araunah’s threshing-place.
David obeyed the LORD’s command and went as Gad had told him to.
17
There at the threshing-place Araunah and his four sons were threshing wheat, and when they saw the angel, the sons ran and hid.
18
Aruanah looked down and saw the king and his officials coming up to him. He threw himself on the ground in front of David
As soon as Araunah King David approaching, he left the threshing-
place and bowed low, with his face touching the ground.
19
and asked, “Your Majesty, why are you here?”
20
David answered, “To buy your threshing-place and build an altar for the LORD, in order to stop the epidemic.”
David said to him, “Sell me your threshing-place, so that I can build an altar to the LORD, to stop the epidemic.
I’ll give you the full price.
21
“Take it, Your Majesty”, Araunah said “and offer to the LORD whatever you wish. Here are these oxen to burn as offering on the altar; here are their yokes and the threshing-boards to use as fuel.” Aruanah gave it all to the king and said to him, “May he LORD your God accept your offering.
“Take it, Your Majesty”, Araunah said “and do whatever you wish. Here are these oxen to burn as offering on the altar, and here are the threshing-boards to use as fuel, and wheat to give as an offering. I give it all to you.”
22
But the king answered, “No, I will pay you for it. I will not offer to the LORD my God sacrifices that have cost me nothing.”
But the king answered, “No, I will pay you the full price. I will not give as an offering to the LORD something that belongs to you, something that costs me nothing.”
23
And he bought the threshing-place and the oxen for fifty pieces of silver
And he paid Araunah six hundred gold coins for the threshing-place.
24
Then he built an altar to the Lord and offered burnt-offerings and fellowship-offerings.
The LORD answered his prayer and the epidemic in Israel was stopped.
He built an altar to the Lord there and offered offerings and fellowship-offerings.
He prayed, and the LORD answered his prayer by sending fire from heaven to burn the sacrifices on the altar.
25
The LORD told the angel to put his sword away, and the angel obeyed. David saw by this that the LORD had answered his prayer, so he offered sacrifices on the altar at Arauhan’s threshing place.
Now although the two quoted reports of God’s atrocity are at variance in numerous respects, it is abundantly clear that the two narratives pertain to the same horrific incident during which God slaughtered more than 70000 innocent people. Both accounts relate the following material facts:
(a) David gave orders to Joab to conduct a census.
(b) Joab answered by asking why David wanted to do so.
(c) David asserted himself and his order was obeyed.
(d) The census was done and a report in that regard was submitted to David.
(e) After the census had been done David said to God that he (David) had committed a terrible sin in doing the census and God then instructed Gad, David’s profit, to tell David that He is giving David three choices.
In both narratives the choices were;
(i) Three years famine in the land.
(ii) Three months of David running away from his (David’s) enemies.
(iii) Three days of an epidemic in the land.
(f) David was required to make a choice and in both accounts he is alleged to have said that God should be the one that punishes him.
(g) God thereafter sent an epidemic on Israel and (exactly!) seventy thousand Israelites died.
(h) When the angel that God tasked with the slaughter was about to destroy Jerusalem, God changed his mind and said to the angel, “Stop! That’s enough!”
In that regard both accounts concerning the horror that God brought upon innocent people then become profoundly disjointed in the following respects: After it is stated in both accounts that the carnage ceased when God ‘changed his mind and said to the angel, “Stop! That’s enough!”’, the impression is created, in what thereafter follows (in both accounts) that David’s offering and praying was the reason why the God terminated his killing spree.
(i) What is rather perplexing is that after (according to both versions) God had said to the angel;
“Stop! That’s enough!”;
both version of the fable thereafter state that God allegedly instructed Gad to tell David that he must build an altar at a certain Araunah’s threshing-place and that David then bought the threshing-place, and made an offering to God. Thereafter the one version of the fable states the following:
“The LORD answered his prayer and the epidemic in Israel was stopped.”
And the other version states the following:
“The LORD told the angel to put the sword away, and the angel obeyed.”
There can therefore be no doubt about the fact that the two accounts of the horror that God inflicted on his people after David ordered that the people be counted, relates to the same incident.
But the discrepancies in the two accounts in the Bible, of the same incident, causes some considerable concern, specifically for the following reasons:
· The Bible is held out to be the inerrant “Word of God”. And the Word of God fails dismally when it comes to being accurate when reporting on facts. Apart from the quoted text, I also refer in my book, from which this piece was extracted, to a plethora of other examples of inaccuracies, contradictions and other nonsensical gibberish in the Bible.
· The Bible, as the “Word of God”, also fails dismally when it comes to being consistent and cogent when reporting on facts. This book also contains an abundance of examples in that regard.
· Despite fact that there are sufficient statements in the two versions that clearly evidence the fact that the two stories refer to the same incident, there are deplorable inaccuracies that I will now deal with in what follows.
· Both stories contain quotations of words that were allegedly spoken by protagonists in the fables. The quotations are shamelessly and falsely portrayed as verbatim quotations of the words uttered by people mentioned in the myth. And yet they differ, albeit that they may, to some extent, convey the same notion. Had the ancient primitives who wrote the tales, paraphrased the words that the protagonists is alleged to have uttered, then the differences could have been excused because the quoted word would then not have been presented as the actual words that were uttered, albeit that the differences would still have had a devastatingly detrimental effect on the credibility of the reports.
In Table E here below I have listed the conflicting quotations that are falsely alleges to have been the words of the people mentioned in the narratives. I have underlined the differences in the quotations.
It must be borne in mind that there are a vast number of people who blasphemously contend that the Bible is God’s Word. That implies that the type of nonsense depicted in this discussion, is indeed the Word of God. To insinuate that God is not capable of being accurate in His Word, is profoundly blasphemous. In that regard I need to mention that I have had a number of Christian apologists explaining the type of gibberish that I am referring to by stating that the inaccuracies are due to human error by the people that were inspired by God to write the various Bible stories. In that regard it appears that the apologists are sacrilegiously contending that God lacks the ability to be on target when inspiring the authors of His Word. A corollary is that the Bible is in effect just an inaccurate “man’s word”.
TABLE E
CONFLICTING QUOTATIONS IN THE SAME BIBLE
S-Version of the census fable
C-Version of the census fable.
1
So David gave orders to Joab, the commander of his army:
“Go with your officers through all the tribes of Israel from one end of the country to the other, and count the people. I want to know how many there are.”
David gave orders to Joab and the other officers,
“Go through Israel, from one of the country to the other, and count the people. I want know how many there are.”
2
But Joab answered the king, “Your Majesty, may the LORD your God make the people of Israel a hundred times more numerous than they are now, and may you live to see them him do it. But why does Your Majesty want to do this?”
Joab answered,
“May the LORD make the people of Israel a hundred times more numerous than they are now! Your Majesty, they are all your servants. Why do you want to do this and make the whole nation guilty?”
10
The next morning, after David got up, Gad went to him, told him what the LORD had said, and asked, “Which is it to be? Three years famine in your land or three months of running away from your enemies or three days of an epidemic in your land? Now think it over, and tell me what answer to take back to the LORD?”
Gad went to David, told him what the LORD had said, and asked, “Which is it to be? Three years of famine? Or three months of running away from the armies of your enemies? Or three days during which the LORD attacks you with his sword and sends an epidemic on your land, using his angel to bring death throughout Israel? What answer shall I give the LORD?”
15
and said to the LORD, “I am the guilty one. I am the one who did wrong. What have these poor people done? You should punish me and my family.”
David prayed, “O God, I am the one who did wrong. I am the one who ordered the census. What have these poor people done? LORD, my God, punish me and my family, and spare your people.”
20
David answered, “To buy your threshing-place and build an altar for the LORD, in order to stop the epidemic.”
David said to him, “Sell me your threshing-place, so that I can build an altar to the LORD, to stop the epidemic.
I’ll give you the full price.
21
“Take it, Your Majesty”, Araunah said “and offer to the LORD whatever you wish. Here are these oxen to burn as offering on the altar; here are their yokes and the threshing-boards to use as fuel.” Aruanah gave it all to the king and said to him, “May he LORD your God accept your offering.
“Take it, Your Majesty”, Araunah said “and do whatever you wish. Here are these oxen to burn as offering on the altar, and here are the threshing-boards to use as fuel, and wheat to give as an offering. I give it all to you.”
22
But the king answered, “No, I will pay you for it. I will not offer to the LORD my God sacrifices that have cost me nothing.”
But the king answered, “No, I will pay you the full price. I will not give as an offering to the LORD something that belongs to you, something that costs me nothing.”
Now it must be borne in mind that if the words that were spoken by a person on a particular occasion are quoted by placing them between inverted commas, then that implies that the quoted words are the exact words that were uttered. If, for example, two witnesses, A and B, give conflicting evidence in a court of law regarding the exact words that they heard a certain person (mister X) utter, then the court cannot make any finding of fact on the words that were indeed spoken by X. Furthermore, the court can also not make any finding on the issue of the credibility of the witnesses that testified. One of them could be lying, or both of them could be lying, because it may well be that X did not even utter any of the words ascribed to him in the evidence of A and B. The only germane inference that can be drawn, with any degree of certainty, from the conflicting evidence of A and B is that;
· at least one of the witnesses is an unreliable witness; and
· the conflicting evidence of A and B does not constitute cogent evidence concerning what was said by X.
In that regard I will now compare two quotations from the S-Version and C-Version from Table E.
The unidentified and unknown author of the S-Version alleges that on an occasion Araunah addressed the following precise words to David:
“Take it, Your Majesty and offer to the LORD whatever you wish. Here are these oxen to burn as offering on the altar; here are their yokes and threshing-boards to use as fuel.”
However, the author (also unidentified and unknown) of the C-Version alleges that on the same occasion Araunah addressed the following precise words to David:
“Take it, Your Majesty and do whatever you wish. Here are these oxen to burn as offering on the altar, and here are the threshing-boards to use as fuel, and wheat to give as an offering. I give it all to you.”
It is abundantly clear that the two quotations differ considerably from one another. In the S-Version it is alleged that Araunah said, “offer to the LORD whatever you wish”, whereas in the C-Version he is alleged to have said, “do whatever you wish”. That is not the same things. Furthermore, in the C-Version he also offered to David, “wheat to give as an offering”, whereas Araunah’s offer in the S-Version only refers to, “yokes and threshing-boards to use as fuel”. No mention, whatsoever, is made in the S-Version of “wheat to give as an offering” that the C-Version alleges Araunah offered to David.
Furthermore in the one S-Version of the fable David is alleged to have said the following to God: “I am the guilty one”. The last mentioned words simply do not appear in the C-Version. But then again, the C-Version contains the following words that are nowhere to be found in the S-Version: “I am the one who ordered the census” and “spare your people”.
Now had the two authors of the conflicting narratives contained in “God’s Word” paraphrased the words that, according to them, were spoken by Araunah, then the fact that the two accounts of Araunah’s words are at variance would merely have constituted inaccuracies in the accounts, since both stories allege that Araunah offered to donate to David his threshing-place, oxen and certain items as fuel for an offering. But the authors (of the two versions) did not paraphrase the words that Araunah is alleged have uttered. They falsely alleged the precise words that he uttered.
So, if God inspired the unidentified and unknown authors of the two versions to write what they wrote, then God’s inspiration was profoundly defective.
But, then again, to allege that God had anything to do with the conflicting drivel conjured by unknown primitive people of antiquity, or that God inspired the tosh, is blasphemous and deeply offensive!
But the inconsistency of the quotations is not the only defects that causes concern and demolishes the credibility of the two narratives in the Bible (and the Bible itself). In that regard I do not intend entering into an exhaustive discussion but merely highlight the following:
· The two narratives contain conflicting figures for the total number of men capable of military service. The S-Version has “800,000 in Israel and 500,000 in Judah” whereas the C-Version contains the following figures: “1,100,000 in Israel and 470,000 in Judah”.
· The C-Version states that, “God was displeased with what had been done, so he punished Israel”. However, in the S-Version there is no indication whatsoever of the reason for God’s displeasure, and it can only be assumed that it is the fact that David gave an order that the people of Israel be counted.
· But the plot really started to thicken when it is stated that, ‘after David had taken the census his conscience began to trouble him, and he said to the LORD, “I have committed a terrible sin in doing this! Please forgive me. I have acted foolishly.”’
Now not only do I fail to see why, “God was displeased with what had been done” but I also do not understand why, “after David had taken the census his conscience began to trouble him” and he thereafter said to God, “I have committed a terrible sin in doing this!
· I will revisit, later herein, the issue of the reason why David ordered that the people of Israel be counted.
· Although it appears with some considerable clarity that;
Ø God’s displeasure;
Ø Davids guilty conscience; and
Ø his confessing of “a terrible sin”;
has to do with the census that he had ordered, it is beyond comprehension why; not only would David regard the census as “a terrible sin”, but also why, in God’s mind the taking of a census by David would justify the slaughter of 70000 innocent Israelites, given the fact that, as will appear, David ordered the census after God said to him; “Go and count the people of Israel and Judah.”
So, do read on, the plot is about to thicken even further!
Who is the culprit, Satan or God?
Now I must warn any reader who is on some type of medication (birth control medication excluded) to take the medication before reading what follows.
Now if the census was indeed, in one or other weird and bizarre and perplexing way, a sin, serious enough to warrant God exterminating of 70000 people, then the question would obviously be: Who caused the sinful act to be perpetrated by David, God or Satan? In other words, who made, or ordered, or caused David to commit the “heinous act” of counting the people of Israel (assuming, for the moment that it is, or was, indeed a heinous act).
The truth is that even God doesn’t appear to known the answer to that question because in His Word he gives conflicting accounts of who is to blame. That is clear from the Word of God, the Bible, because the S-Version in the second book of Samuel states that God was the culprit, whereas the C-Version in the first book of Chronicles ascribes the blame to Satan. (See Table F)
TABLE F
The whodunit unraveled
S-Version of the census fable
C-Version of the census fable.
The LORD was angry with Israel once more, and he made David bring trouble on them. The LORD said to him, “Go and count the people of Israel and Judah.” (2 Samuel 24:1)
Satan wanted to bring trouble on the people of Israel and Judah so he made David decide to take a census.
(1 Chronicle 21:1)
So, one thing is clear and that is that, irrespective of which of the two fables in 2 Samuel or 1 Chronicles is to be believed, God is the person who murdered 70000 people. I say so because the two versions are not at variance regarding who orchestrated the murder of 70000 innocent people. It was God! And God admits to that fact in the following words extracted from His Word:
So the LORD sent an epidemic on Israel, which lasted from that morning until the time that he had chosen. From one end of the country to the other seventy thousand Israelites died. (2 Samuel 24:15)
So the LORD sent an epidemic on the people of Israel, and seventy thousand of them died. (1 Chronicle 21:1)
But that is actually not surprising because the Bible authors have pulled no punches in ascribing to God all the evils of the world. They actually have the Word of God saying that he is in charge of all evil on earth, and He appears to have an immense capacity for evil. He must have, in order to live up to the reputation of being the cause of all evil, as is evident from the following:
“I make peace and create evil: I the Lord do all these things.” (Isaiah. 45:7-King James Version)
“The will of the Lord alone is always carried out. Good and evil alike take place at his command.” (Lamentations 3:38)
“… shall there be evil in a city, and the Lord hath not done it?” (Amos 3:6 King James Version
“… an evil spirit sent by the Lord tormented him” (1 Samuel 16:14)
“… an evil spirit from God suddenly took control of Saul…” (1 Samuel 18:10);
“… one day an evil spirit from the Lord took control of Saul.”
(1Samuel 19:9)
“Then God sent an evil spirit between Abimelech and the men of Shechem; and the men of Shechem dealt treacherously with Abimelech.” (Judges 9:23 King James Version)
What remains a mystery is why David said, after the census that he had ordered on God’s instructions; “I have committed a terrible sin in doing this!”?; and why God ostensibly agree with him and killed 70000 innocent people as punishment because David obeyed God’s order when He said to David, “Go and count the people of Israel and Judah”?
A corollary – God is denigrated
The upshot of the fanciful tales in 2 Samuel and 1 Chronicles is that scorn is poured on the deity by the slanderous portrayal of God as a conniving creature that orders David to conduct a census, and thereafter kills 70000 people as punishment because David conducted the census that God ordered. If someone should dare to publish something similar concerning Allah, then he would most certainly receive a death sentence, in his absence, in term of the S‘aria.
But we are not without recourse in South Africa as regards the criminal blasphemy contained in the Bible, of which God’s alleged atrocities against Job and the hapless 70000 people are but a few of many examples, because blasphemy is a criminal offence in South African law. In that regard Prof. Snyman states the following in his book, “Strafreg”:
“Godslaster is the wederregtelike, opsetlike publikasie van woorde of gedrag waardeur God belaster word.”
(Blasphemy is the illegal, intentional publication of words or conduct whereby God is defamed. – My translation)
Hunt (South African Criminal Law and Procedure) describes blasphemy as follows:
“Blasphemy consists in unlawfully, intentionally and publicly acting contemptuously towards God.”
I am not saying that a case of blasphemy would be without problems because Hunt expressed the opinion that the blasphemy would only be punishable if it shocked a large portion of the community. But Hunt expressed that opinion before The Constitution of the Republic of South Africa (Act 108 of 1996) was enacted. Given that its Bill of Rights stipulates that;
“Everyone has the right to freedom of conscience, religion, thought, belief and opinion.” - Section 15(1);
to rely on Hunt’s opinion could be unconstitutional.
Every individual possesses a certain constitutional right in terms of the Bill of Rights, irrespective of what portion of the community lays claim to the same right being enforced. Do I really enjoy “freedom of …religion” as a deist if organisations like “Christelike Uitgewersmaatskappy”, the “Bybelgenootskap van Suid Afrika”, CNA, and a plethora of other distributors of books publish, with impunity, blasphemous documents (Bibles) that are riddled with allegations that defames the deity.
Furthermore, if the conflicting accounts concerning who caused God to murder 70000 people were contained in different Bible version, each said to be the Word of God, then that would obviously demolish the notion of the Bible being the inerrant Word of God. After all, the various renditions of he Bible are all claimed to be the Word of God. But, at the very least, if a particular Bible version contends that God caused the carnage of the hapless people, and another Bible version states that Satan was the culprit, then there would be no evidence on which a finding can be made as to who caused the grief for the 70000 people.
To put it in secular (and logical) terms, if one witness said that God was the culprit and another said that it is Satan, then at the very least, one witness may be lying. They may both be lying because it could be the Tooth-fairy who perpetrated the dastardly dead. But if the conflicting accounts emanates from the same witness, then he is a liar. There is after all a basic principle that if a person gives conflicting evidence on a particular issue, then his evidence has no credible and cogent value. In the Word of God the author of the narratives in 2 Samuel and 1 Chronicles created and ascribed to God conflicting accounts in His Word concerning how the trauma of the 70000 people came about, and in so doing they made God a liar.
Excursion:
As regards the authorship of 2 Samuel and 1 Chronicles, I mention, by way of an excursion, that both books appears to have been written in he time of the United Israelite Kingdom which existed during a period of approximately 100 years that ended approximately 940 B.C. The authors of the books therefore wrote these disjointed yarns approximately 3 000 years ago Furthermore, as regards the identities of the authors, nobody knows who wrote the fanciful stories. The English Standard Version of the Bible states that the authors of 2 Samuel and 1 Chronicles are unknown. The King James Version, on the other hand states that that 2 Samuel has an anonymous author and that the author of 1 Chronicles is “Possibly Ezra”. Now the words, “Possibly Ezra”, actually means, if translated into truthful English, “Unknown”.
The Christian Hell, revisited.
Having dealt with Satan, the creature who is, so the Christians say, in charge of hell, I will now turn my attention to the evidence contained in the Bible about this fiery place, where the Christians say all women, and a man like me, who have defiled myself with my wife, will spend eternity after they had departed this life. Men, who have defiled themselves with men, but never with women, are apparently in the running for a heavenly residence. So, there I am totally and utterly buggered (I am happy to say).
Now I will start my investigation regarding hell by quoting what the editorial gurus of the King James Version of the Bible have to say about hell. What follows are their words as contained at the end of the King James Version in the section titled, “A SHORT DICTIONARY OF LIFE AND PEOPLES OF BIBLE TIMES”:
“hell in the N.T. the word has come to mean a place of great terrors where the results of sin follow one into the next life.”
At the risk of creating the impression that I am insulting the intelligence of the reader, I mention that N.T. stands for New Testament.
And lo! Whereas the King James Version’s section titled, “A SHORT DICTIONARY OF LIFE AND PEOPLES OF BIBLE TIMES”, contains four references to Satan, the bloke who runs hell and keeps the home fires burning there, it contains no text references whatsoever concerning Satan’s pride and joy, hell. Now, I dare say, that is a bit of a letdown for the poor fellow. I mean, after all, he is busy 24/7 on 365 days a year, in a dark and hot place, with no windows or view, burning the hell out of non-Christians souls. And the Christians don’t even have the decency to show their gratitude by giving him some credit in their most popular Bible (the King James Version), for his fiery activities - and that is so despite the fact that they make a hell (pardon the pun) of a lot of money out of the concept of hell.
But as is clear from Table G here below, the other Bibles that I have mentioned before have even less to say about Satan’s place of business (hell) in the Old Testament:
Table G
References to hell in Old Testament of various Bible versions
BIBLE VERSION
REFERENCES TO HELL
Good News Bible
None
English Standard Version
None
Afrikaans Bible
None
So, although it is a fact that there is no hell, that does not negate the cogency of the following axiom:
Hell hath no fury like a women scorned!
Amen!!
